


Through The Eyes Of A Child

by Onedslays



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Depressed Harry, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Getting Help, Harry Styles - Freeform, Hospital, LGBT, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Mute!Harry, Pheobe - Freeform, Simon Cowell - Freeform, Slow Burn, Zayn Malik - Freeform, anorexic louis, anorexic!louis, daisy - Freeform, depressed!harry, gemma styles - Freeform, johannah deakin - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, m/m - Freeform, mental health, one direction - Freeform, recovery ward, suicide warning, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-04-21 14:59:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14287431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onedslays/pseuds/Onedslays
Summary: The rain pattered down the window by his room as he sat, his warm cheek cooling against the glass. The city bustled below him as the lights in his room occasionally flickered. He twitched slightly as he rubbed over the bandages on his wrists.“Mr. Styles? Did you hear me?” A man asked, his voice soft with pity. The boy just nodded, still looking out the window. “It’s Group now, Harry.” The man said again, his voice a little less soft. Harry silently sighed, slowly standing up from his spot on the windowsill. His feet padded against the bland tile floor, the December air raising bumps on his skin from the window.“Do you know your way, or would you like me to escort you?”OrHarry has Psychotic Depression and doesn't speak, he's been in the hospital teen recovery ward for five months. Louis is anorexic and has just been admitted to the hospital. The two are pulled apart and put back together for months, but when a girl named Ophelia comes to the hospital, triggering Harry back into a Psychotic state, how will Louis pull him back to the surface?





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prologue to my new story, give some feedback!  
> This is all based on a real-life story that I have experienced. Look out for TW. There will be a lot.  
> Title from Aurora's Through The Eyes Of A Child.
> 
> find the account for this fic @through.the.eyes.of.a.child.o3 on instagram for updates, sneak peaks and maybe a little fan art. Email me @Throughtheeyesofachildao3 for personal questions, requests, a dedication, co writing or side story one shots.

  
  


The rain pattered down the window by his room as he sat, his warm cheek cooling against the glass. The city bustled below him as the lights in his room occasionally flickered. He twitched slightly as he rubbed over the bandages on his wrists. 

“Mr. Styles? Did you hear me?” A man asked, his voice soft with pity. The boy just nodded, still looking out the window. “It’s Group now, Harry.” The man said again, his voice a little less soft. Harry silently sighed, slowly standing up from his spot on the windowsill. His feet padded against the bland tile floor, the December air raising bumps on his skin from the window. 

“Do you know your way, or would you like me to escort you?” The man asked, reciting his words from a well-worn script. Harry said nothing, only stepping past him and through the open door. The hallways were silent save for the occasional whispers from doctors. He stopped in front of a door he knew all too well. Silently, he entered the room, taking a seat furthest away from the door. Just like he did every day at noon. Slowly, more patients filed into the room, sitting down in their usual patterns. A woman in a long white coat sat in a larger chair, a clipboard in her hands. 

“Hello, everyone. We have a new patient today, his name is Louis.” The woman gestured to a boy sitting almost directly across the circle of people from Harry, his legs crossed and back slumped in his chair. “Say hello to Louis, everyone.” The woman continued. The patients all muttered an unenthusiastic hello. 

“Okay, so yesterday we covered Octavia, Bennett, Sunny, and Naira, today we are going to talk to Kira, Lennon, Cleo, and Harry. Kira, will you start?” The woman said, crossing her legs and looking up attentively at a girl with black hair and tan skin.

“Yes, Dr. Flynn,” Kira said, standing up confidently. “My name is Kira Verplanck and I have NPD, that stands for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

“And what does that mean for you?” Dr. Flynn asked, her voice even. 

“It means I am great and that I need adoration. But only because I deserve it.” Kira said, her voice loud and carrying.

“It also means that you may have sociopathic tendencies and experience social isolation as well as an excessive need for attention and adoration. Why are you here, Kira?”

“Because I was acting out and getting into trouble so that people would notice me more.”   
“And what do you want to achieve here?” 

“I want to be able to be better so I can accept failures and be loved for who I naturally am.”   
“Perfect, thank you, Kira.” Dr. Flynn said, turning to the next person.

Harry zoned out, staring at the new boy across the circle. It was rare that new people came in, especially ones that looked as perfectly healthy as him. Usually, the people that came had dull eyes or bodies that looked breakable. But, the boy across from him looked like any normal human being. 

“Harry? It’s your turn. Would you stand up for us.” The voice of Dr. Flynn broke him from his thoughts. Harry nodded slightly and stood up, shaking his hands out a bit before raising them to his chest. The boy across the circle-  _ Louis- _ watched quizzically, waiting to see what he would do. Then his hands started moving quickly, forming shapes as he moved his mouth silently. A voice from across the circle spoke. A grown woman, just behind the chairs was watching Harry intently and speaking in time with his movements. Louis slowly realized it was some sort of sign language.

_ “My name is Harry, I’m Selective Mute and I have PDD or Psychotic Depressive Disorder. That means I have hallucinations and delusions, usually of people or voices saying I have something wrong or telling me I’m worthless. _ ” The lady spoke.

“And why are you here, Harry?” Dr. Flynn said. The interpreter signed something to Harry and Harry mirrored an answer-back.

_ “Because I cut my wrists in a suicide attempt.” _

“And what do you hope to achieve here?”

_ “I hope to get better enough to live a relatively normal and happy life.” _ _  
_ “Thank you, Harry. Group is dismissed, you may all go to lunch, I will see you all tomorrow.” Dr. Flynn said, walking to the door and holding it open as the patients all walked out and towards the cafeteria. 

Harry lingered behind a few minutes before sneaking back to his room. His appetite had been lacking for the five months he’d been at the hospital. The hallways of the Psych recovery ward were lined with rooms, the doors electronically left open until 8:00 pm every night. Harry had figured out that the windowsill in his room was a blind spot on the security cameras and it was hidden when the door was open. As he walked down the bland hallways, he glanced to all the rooms, counting them just like he did every day. As the rooms went by, he spotted a boy in one, lying on his bed, staring to the ceiling. Harry stopped outside the door, tilting his head in question. He didn’t recognize the boy, but he knew that he would be caught when they did a room check at 12:45. Harry knocked on the door frame, getting the boy’s attention. The boy looked up and Harry recognized him as the new boy - Louis. Harry waved at him, taking out a pad of paper and pen from his pocket, writing quickly before flipping the pad to show it to Louis. Louis raised his eyebrow, and read it aloud.

_ “If you want to skip lunch, you can come to my room, there's a blind spot by the window where the patrollers won’t see.” _ Louis was quiet for a minute, then nodded his head and gestured for Harry to lead the way. 


	2. Chapter One, I Am Not A Robot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love this fic is already receiving. I love honest feedback, bad or good! This chapter is kind of boring because things are just taking off, but bear with me because it does get better and less blocky as it progresses. 
> 
> Follow my Instagram @Through.The.Eyes.Of.A.Child.O3  
> Email me with requests or inquiries @Throughtheeyesofachildao3

The dimly lit hallway surrounded the two boys as they walked towards Harry’s room. Louis was asking Harry questions, getting a nod or shake of his head in return.  
“You’ve been here for how many months again?” Louis said, looking up at Harry. Harry looked up from the floor and at the shorter boy. He held up his fingers, mouthing the word ‘Five’. Louis nodded in understanding.  
“Do you have a sister? Brother?”  
‘Yes.’ Harry nodded back.  
“Which one?”  
‘Sister.’ Harry mouthed back, doing the sign for sister.  
“Is that the sign for sister?” Louis asked and Harry nodded again. Louis smiled and copied the movement, creating a hook with his right hand and bringing it up to his nose. Harry nodded at him, giving a silent chuckle.  
“Hey, maybe you can teach me some sign language. There’s not much I could give in return, but I’m sure I can think of something.” Louis spoke, his voice rather loud for people who were sneaking around. Harry cringed and put a finger to his mouth.  
“Oh. Sorry. Discretion is not my forte.” Louis now spoke in a soft whisper. Harry nodded his head to the right, indicating to turn. Louis furrowed his brow and Harry pointed. Louis turned around to see a room, the door open just like all the others.  
“This your room?” Louis asked, looking around from his spot in the doorframe. Harry nodded and walked in, gesturing for Louis to follow. Harry’s room was nearly identical to the rest of the rooms, the only difference being the window. Most of the rooms had windows high up, where they cant reach so they don't try to jump out. Harry, however, had been there the longest. Most made a quick recovery so they could get out, the hospital substituting for a personal hell, and the ones that took longer than seven months to get better are moved to a special facility instead of a normal hospital. Harry used to be in the room next to his new one, the window high up like the rest, until he started trying to break out during his psychotic episodes. The doctors had moved him to a room with a low window, drilling bars over it. Harry had improved so much by being able to see the city below him that after two months they took the bars off. Though Harry couldn’t speak, all of the nurses and staff loved him. He was young- the youngest in the ward, and he was kind, never making a fuss unless he was having an episode and he always picked up after himself. Most of the patients tolerated the checkups, the shots, and the pills just enough to get out early. But Harry was different, he would write thank you notes to the nurses who delivered his meals, write a poem for the woman who served him dinner- he went out of his way to make sure the staff knew they were appreciated and when one of the other teens would break down, he would always hug them, silently reassuring them. Harry was reserved though, if no one needed him, he wouldn’t be with them. Keeping to himself in his room, reading and rereading the books his mother brought him on the designated visitation day.  
“You like reading?” Louis asked, pointing to the stack of twenty-something books on the wooden desk. Harry nodded his head, hopping up onto the windowsill and looking outside. Silence consumed the room around them for a few minutes before Harry waved to get Louis attention who was standing by the windowsill next to him.  
“What?” Louis said, taking his hand off from where it was on the window, watching the fogged prints fade away. Harry rummaged in his pocket, pulling out his phone and typing something in his notes. He turned it around so Louis could read it.  
“What are you here for?” Louis read aloud, his face falling as he finished the sentence.  
“I’d like to pretend I’m not here for anything. Just for now, if that’s okay. Forget about the poking and prodding. The pills and scrubs. Maybe someday the occasion will arise and I’ll tell you but- I’m a man of mystery.” Louis said, covering his uneasiness with a playful look. Harry stared back at him, looking over his face like he was trying to pull apart Louis’ secrets. Then he nodded and turned back to the window.  
“Why don’t you talk?” Louis said. Harry looked deeply back at him, his face softly illuminated by the rainy light of the early afternoon. Harry sighed deeply, shakily typing out a message. Louis could tell that it was long by how long it took Harry to write it out. 

‘When I was little, my sister was kidnapped on the way home from school. She was missing for ten months and my parents started drinking. My dad was gone most days and my mom was locked in her room. They got so paranoid that they withdrew me from school. Said they’d homeschool me. I was eight. My parents never interacted with me, just told me to never leave the house and to never talk to anyone or I would be in trouble. For those ten months, I was brutally conditioned to never trust or speak to anyone. By the time they finally found her I was having anxiety attacks daily. When I was ten, I got put into a foster home by the CPS. My new mother, Luna, took me in. She ended up adopting me as her own. She had a deaf sister so she taught me BSL. My sister was in the hospital for a while, recovering from injuries sustained by the kidnapping and by the time she got out I was already with Luna, who agreed to take in her too. Luna is the only one I ever thought of as my mom. I barely remember my real mom.’

Louis could feel himself tearing up as he read it once, twice, then another time. Just to make sure he had the story right. Harry was being so open with him- even after Louis wouldn’t even tell him why he was there.  
“So you-you haven’t spoken since you were seven?” Louis said, his voice choked up ever-so-slightly. Harry’s face was emotionless as he nodded slowly. Louis swallowed hard and looked back out the window.  
“I have to show you,” Louis spoke. Harry turned away from the window, looking at Louis in confusion.  
“Why I'm here. I have to show you why I’m here- not tell.” Louis clarified, biting his lip. Harry’s eyes widened but he nodded slowly. Louis took a deep breath, mentally preparing for whatever Harry’s reaction would be. His hands reached down to the bottom of his oversized sweater, gripping the hem tightly. Harry watched as Louis slowly lifted the shirt over his head, leaving his chest bare. Harry’s eyes widened at the sight, but he didn't move from his place at the window. Under the giant sweater, Louis was sickly looking. His ribs were defined, each jutting out like a gill from his skin. His stomach was concave and his collarbones looked like they could rip through the malnourished skin covering them. Harry stared for a few moments before raising his hand, bringing his pointer and middle finger together and touching them to his thumb, then bringing his whole hand to his bottom lip and tapping it twice.  
“What?” Louis asked, quickly putting his shirt back on. Harry shook his head and mouthed the words ‘No food’. Louis swallowed hard, and nodded, looking anywhere but at Harry. Harry got up from the windowsill, taking a few steps to where Louis stood. Louis looked up at him with a worried expression on his face. Harry gave him a small smile as he wrapped his arms around Louis, bringing him close so they were chest to chest. Louis slowly brought his arms around Harry’s waist.  
“Thank you,” Louis whispered softly, craving the warmth of Harry’s body- of anybody. Just the comfort of someone familiar, even if they were barely that.  
As the rain poured down outside and patterned on the window, the two boys sat at the sill, watching the world move around them.


	3. Chapter Two, Blackbird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me @Through.The.Eyes.Of.A.Child.O3 on Instagram,  
> Comments are my FAVORITE, especially with feedback because I love engaging with my readers.  
> Email me @Throughtheeyesofachildao3@gmail.com for personal or long questions, comments or requests. 
> 
> ESSENTIALLY UNEDITED

 

“How do you say, “I like the color blue?” Louis says, his feet swinging absentmindedly off the edge of the windowsill. Harry smiles, then shows Louis, pointing to his chest, then crosses his hands and brings them to his chest, mouthing “I love,” He motions for Louis to do it and the tiny boy follows his lead with surprising accuracy. Harry sends him a thumbs up and smiles. Harry makes a ‘C’ shape with his right hand and makes a small circle, then he takes two fingers and rubs his left wrist, right above his bandages. He mouths “Color blue” and Louis copies him again. It was mid-afternoon, the two had just come back from lunch. Harry took note of how Louis was stone-faced through the rather rough force feeding the nurses had given him when he refused to eat- Louis took note of how Harry scratched at his wrists more than necessary. Neither commented on their findings. 

It had been a week since Louis had gotten admitted, and after the nurses found out he skipped lunch the first day, he was under a very watchful eye. Harry, who managed to get away with skipping almost every mealtime in favor of sitting at his window now went to all of them. Group and then lunch was Louis’ least favorite part of the day, but directly after was his favorite. Harry would sneak some tea from Nurse Barbra and then Louis would come to his room for his sign language lessons. There was a technical rule that patients weren’t allowed in other patients rooms until both had been there for two months at least- but Harry’s psychotic episodes had stopped completely. It took a little bartering but in the end, the doctors agreed to let Louis stay for an hour after lunch as long as Harry continues to get better.

“So, I’ve been thinking. You teaching me is great, but I should give you something in return. I don’t have many talents, but is there anything you’ve ever wanted to learn how to do?” Louis said, jumping down from the sill to grab his tea from Harry’s bedside table. Harry flopped back on his bed, his arms held out. Louis watched as he thought for a minute, then brought both his hands above him, his fingers stretched out. Harry wiggled them and moved his hands to the right. Louis arched a questioning brow at him and shook his head, saying “I have no idea what that is, Harold.” Harry smiled brightly and pulled his phone from his pocket, typing something in;  _ ‘Piano.’  _ Louis stared for a second before laughing, ignoring Harry’s now confused look. 

“Of all the things in the world, you pick the _ one thing I actually know how to do. I swear.” _

Harry’s look turns to joy as he leaps up and grabs Louis’ hand, pulling his out of his room and down the halls. 

“Whoa, Harry. Slow down, will you? My legs are half the length of yours.” Louis said as Harry turned a particularly close corner and picked up his pace. Harry shook his head and continued to pull Harry down halls until they reached a large wooden door. 

“What is this, Harry?” Louis asked as Harry opened the door and yanked Louis inside. The room was big, the floor made of a grey cement and the walls painted a sloppy sky blue. Along one wall, pianos were lined up, next to them- guitars. Various musical instruments were hanging up or leaning against the walls. But, in the center, a large grand piano sat, a small bench under it. 

“What is this place?” Louis whispered, a little in awe. Harry pointed to a plastic sign on the wall, engraved with ‘Music Therapy.’ Harry walked to a small box hung on the wall, taking his patient ID out from his pocket and scanning it under the machine. Louis copied him, unclipping his ID from his belt loop and scanning it. There were scanners like it in every recreational room, the nurses keeping tabs on the patients like crazy. Louis felt like he was in prison.

“Are we allowed to be here?” He said, walking to Harry who was now standing by the piano, leaning against the body of it. Harry nodded his head, holding up two fingers and mouthing ‘Until two.’ Louis nodded his head, glancing at a clock. It was 1:45, free time would be up in fifteen minutes, then it would be check-up time. 

_ ‘No time to waste then.’ _

 

_ \-------------------------------- _

 

“Okay, step on the scale please.” A nurse said, clicking her pen. Louis swallowed hard, but nodded. There was a small beeping sound and the nurse asked him to step off the scale. 

“Would you like to know your weight today, Mr. Tomlinson?” The nurse asked, writing down something on her clipboard. 

“Yes, please.”    
“Okay, great. You were 44.5 Kilos, now you’re 47 even. That's 16 Kilos underweight, but your vitals look great. Keep up the good work, I’ll see you next week.” The nurse said, waiting for Louis to put his shoes back on, then opening the door and letting him out. Louis walked toward the main Rec Room, hoping to find Harry there. Louis' heart felt like it was in his stomach. He was gaining so much weight so fast and he knew he wasn’t prepared for it. Louis was so stuck inside his head he didn’t even notice when one of the other patients- Sunny- came running up to him. Sunny’s eyes were wide and his face was pale. 

“Sunny, what's going on? Are you okay?” Louis said, suddenly very uneasy. 

“It’s Harry.” Louis’ heart skipped a beat.

“What’s Harry.”

“They were doing his checkup and when they tried to take off his bandages he started freaking out- having an episode. He was screaming bloody murder- no one’s ever heard him whisper before, not even the doctors but he was shrieking and trying to get free. We were in the same checkup room.” Sunny explained, his voice trembling a bit. Louis’ blood ran cold.

“Where is he?” Louis said, his voice deadly calm and low.

“His room, this all happened about ten minutes ago. They finally got him to calm down and go back to his room. I just thought you should know because you’re always with each other.” Sunny said, but Louis could barely hear it over the rush in his ears. He ran down the hallway towards Harry. 

When he got there, Harry was sitting on the windowsill, just like always. He had a blanket wrapped around him and his eyes were puffy from tears. But what caught Louis’ eyes were the bandages on his wrists, they were stained red. Harry must have reopened the cuts during his episode. Louis slowly walked into the room, giving Harry a chance to say he wanted to be alone. When Harry said nothing, Louis sat on the windowsill across from him, so they were face to face. 

“I heard about what happened.” His voice was soft as he spoke, trying to even it out through his fear. Harry didn’t even blink in his direction at that. 

“I hope you’re okay.” Louis tried again, scanning Harry’s face for some kind of response. When he was met with a wall again, he gave up in favor of sitting with the boy quietly. He felt comfort in the familiarity of the windowsill as he rested his head against the glass, softly humming a soft melody, one his mother used to sing to him. For a moment he could have sworn he even heard Harry hum along.


	4. Chapter Three, We Might Be Dead By Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is about 300 words shorter than normal chapters. I'm on vacation until the 29th so posting chapters may or may not happen in a normal way. I will post, just less often and probably a lot shorter. Thanks Xx

 

Harry had been missing for two weeks, well- he’s been missing in Louis’ eyes. He had walked past Harry’s room multiple times since Harry had an episode, and every time he wasn’t there. He didn’t come to meals or group anymore either. Every day Louis would plead with Dr. Flynn to tell him where Harry was. Every day she would deny him, sending him back to his room. Louis couldn’t sleep, he would toss and turn for hours and never sleep. He started getting sicker again, losing weight and throwing up nightly. It all came to a head when it was free hour two sundays since the last time he’d seen Harry. He wondered his way back to the music room, scanning in and sitting quietly at the piano. He started playing an old song, his fingers remembering the feel of the keys subconsciously. His body leaned into the sound, then back out as his hands made loud chords that echo through his veins. He hadn’t touched the keys of a piano in this way for years. The notes were sad and high, dissonance shouting through the fallboard. When the song came to an end, his body went rigid before falling limp. He hid his head in his hands as his shoulders shook violently. The small world that he had built here was being torn down and  _ why will no one tell me what the hell is going on?  _

Louis startled when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. He turned around quickly, his breath hitching when he saw him-  _ Harry _ . How was standing there stoic, his face looked pale and his eyes were held by dark circles. 

“Shit, Harry.” His voice came out in a whisper as he stood from the piano stool and grabbed Harry by the shoulders, pulling him into a hug. Harry hugged back but it was weak and half-hearted.

“Where the hell were you?” He spoke softly into Harry’s neck where he had nuzzled his head. Harry pulled back, tears falling down his face. He took a deep breath and then reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded paper. He handed it to Louis then turned and ran out of the room. Louis blinked in shock before tucking the paper into his pocket and running after him. Harry was speed-walking down the halls, passing his room and Louis’. Harry kept running- and despite Louis’ small stature, he kept up just fine. Harry eventually stopped in front of a room Louis had never seen before. Before Louis could fully catch up, Harry had quickly opened the door and then locked it behind him. _ So this door had a lock. Interesting.  _

“Harry! Harry, please open up! I just want to talk to you, what is going on!” Louis banged on the door but there was no answer. When almost a full hour passed and there was still no answer from Harry, he gave up, walking back to his room in defeat. At least he knew where Harry’s new room was. 

Dinner that night was better than it had been in a while, with the promise that Harry was in the building and that he was safe. Well, relatively so. Louis was able to actually get some of his food down that night, the cold peas and mash making his nose wrinkle as he ate. His mind never wavered from Harry through the meal, though. He needed a way to talk with him, to understand what’s going on.    
“Mate, what’s that in your pocket?” Kira asked later that night during the free two hours before lights out. 

“What?” Louis said, his hand reaching into his pocket. His eyes widened when he remembered the paper Harry had given him. “Shit. Be right back, Kira.” He rushed, already jogging to his room. He unfolded the paper on his bed, his eyes scanning the page. There was a paragraph of writing in Harry’s loopy scrawl. 

 

_ Louis, _

_ I know that I disappeared for awhile and that probably confused you. But, I’m having psychotic episodes at least twice a day, I can’t eat or sleep either. I’ve already been here for nearly six months and I haven’t improved at all. The only times I feel normal are the days that I'm with you. The doctors say that you are good for my health but I can’t put that responsibility on you. I can’t rely so heavily on you like that. I’m in an isolated room now. Don’t worry, it has a window. If I don’t get better in five weeks, I’m getting moved to a special facility that deals with things like my conditions. It’s in Southall. I asked the nurse and that's exactly 194 miles on the shortest route. I don’t think I’m going to recover here and I don't want you to make ties with me when I’m just going to leave.  _

_ Best, _

_       H _

 

Louis re-read the letter three times, each time the reality of it sinking further and further into his brain. Harry was leaving and he would never see him again. Louis got up without thinking, his feet working faster than his mind. His whole being was in overdrive. He walked down halls and corridors until he reached Harry’s new room. He banged on the door and hard as he could.

“Harry Styles now you listen to me right now! Open this fucking door right now or I swear to god I will open it myself.” Louis yelled, his tone dripping venom. He was furious with Harry, which surprised him because he used to think that wasn’t possible. Five minutes passed of Louis yelling and threatening and banging on Harry’s door passed before Harry broke, unlocking the door but not opening it. Louis looked around at the empty halls, surprised no one had heard the loud noise he was making. He let go of a deep breath and turned the doorknob, walking into Harry’s room. 


	5. Updates on The Updates

Hey Everyone! So i’m pleased to say that my book will be starting back up again now that i’m back from vacation at Universal Studios in Orlando. I’ve gone there every year since i was seven (i’m now almost 16) so it’s very near and dear to me, and it was an amazing and nostalgic experience but i’m back and ready to write! Next update will be up by tuesday at the latest.

XxCARRIE


	6. Chapter Four, King Of Carrot Flowers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis talks Harry into trying to say at the hospital with him, something happens during a piano lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED--- also, if you want to read my other writing-- this https://www.wattpad.com/483734012-gasoline-characters-and-info-lex-and-pheonix its about a dystopian society and two boys who are trying to live through it. It is almost complete but not quite. I started it like a year ago so the beginning is shitty but it gets better- I promise. It is NOT fanfiction. Its all OC's. Anyway, here a new chapter!! Xx Carrie- p.s if you're wondering why my name on wattpad isn't Carrie, its because both the names are aliases

The room Harry was in was small, to say the least. There was- true to Harry’s word- a window in the far left corner, but other than that the room was cold and undecorated. There was just a small twin bed smack in the middle of the room and empty surrounding it.  
“Shit, Harry,” Louis muttered under his breath, his blue eyes surveying the room. Harry was quiet in the corner, his eyes downcast. He was always quiet, but this time he was quiet in the way only Harry could be. It felt like he wasn’t even there. It was a good while before either of them made a movement, and ultimately it was Harry who made the first move. He pointed to himself and then made a balled up fist, rubbing it in circles around his heart.  
‘I’m sorry’  
“Yeah. Me too. But- Harry. You can’t just give up. We still have a month for you to get better. Let me help you. I can teach you more piano, you can teach me more signing. Maybe I can even help you start talking again. That would show them that you’re getting better… right?” Louis was begging, he knew that but right now he didn't have the strength to care. He just needed the promise that Harry would at least try. Harry looked up from the ground where his eyes had wandered back to, tears threatening to spill over. He just shook his head and backed away until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Louis followed, kneeling down on the floor between Harry’s spindly legs.  
“I am quite literally begging on my knees right now. Please harry- please. Give this one more shot. Just one more. I can help you get better so you can stay here. You could even leave.” Louis reached his arms up and pulled Harry down onto the floor by his waist. Harry let it happen, turning once he hit the floor so he was sat in Louis’ lap, his heart beating on Harry’s back.  
“Please,” Louis said one more time, straining his neck to rest his chin on top of Harry’s head, breathing in his vanilla smell. It was a moment before Harry slowly nodded his head. Louis grinned, tapping Harry so he could stand up from the floor. Harry had barely stood up himself when he was attacked with a hug from Louis, who was whispering ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ into his ear and rocking them back and forth.

          It had been two weeks since Harry moved back to his room. Louis had talked to the doctors, pleading with them to let Harry stay. Louis was giving Harry piano lessons when it happened. Maybe it was the sad melody on the keys that made it just that much more emotional, or maybe it was that it was Harry and Harry seemingly could make Louis do anything. It had been two weeks since Harry moved back to his room and though Harry had only had one episode in that time, the doctors said it wasn't enough. That if they were going to break the seven months rule, they needed solid evidence that Harry was doing better than he _ever_ had been, not just doing well. So every day Louis would try to get Harry to talk, seeing it as the only way he could get the doctors to agree to let Harry stay. He would come up behind Harry at lunch and yell 'Boo' in his ear, hoping to get Harry to scream. But, every time, Harry would just smile and shake his head. Silently laughing. 

        It all came to a head during a piano lesson in the music room. Harry was surprisingly a natural at the piano. His gigantic hands could spread across the keys easily and the music seemed to just melt into his body as he played. 

"So, Harold. What song do you have for us this week?" Louis said as he scanned his patient ID. Harry would get a new song online, ask one of the nurses to print out the sheet music and they would both learn the song for the week. Harry smiled and held out a two-page packet with music on it. Louis scanned it for a few seconds before raising an eyebrow at Harry.

"It has words." Harry nodded his head and pointed to Louis.

"You want me to sing it?" Another nod.

"Okay but it's gonna be rough." Harry just smiled and sat down on the bench, his hands already resting lightly on the keys. The upbeat melody started to play on the piano as Louis' hands danced across the keys, stopping every four measures to have Harry copy him. The song was easy- the same patterns repeating and the chords basic. By the end of the hour, the boys had mastered the first half of it with made up piano harmonies.

"Okay, young padawan," Louis spoke with a loud voice, puffing his chest out and straightening his back. "Are you ready to play it through? I assume you'll be singing lead vocals?" Louis wiggled his eyebrows and Harry silently chuckled, shaking his head and pointing at Louis. "Well, heck. Was worth a try. Okay ready? I'll count in." Louis' fingers found their starting keys, and he counted under his breath before playing the intro to the song. When the time came, he flicked his eyes nervously to Harry, who paid him no mind- too busy concentrating on not screwing up the melody. So, Louis opened his mouth and began singing, pushing away his nerves.

"When you were young, you were the king of carrot flowers- and how you build a garden tumbling through the trees, in holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet." Louis' voice was raspy and high, Harry looked away from the keys and stared at him as he sung for a second before he continued playing. _Louis had a lovely voice._

 "And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder-"

"And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor, as we would lay in learn what each other's bodies were for." Louis' hands stuttered on the keys, his breath hitching in his throat. Harry was singing- no- Harry was singing with the most amazing voice Louis had ever heard. Louis quickly picked up the song again, not wanting Harry to lose his confidence or stop singing. 

"And this is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you, and from above you how I sank into your soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go." Harry sang, his voice moving and reaching every note perfectly. His voice was deep and soothing, reminding Louis of an old book on tape he fell asleep listening to as a kid. Louis had been stunned, his fingers completely stopping as his mouth hung open in shock at Harry. Harry eventually noted that Louis had stopped, his cheeks heating up and he looked sheepishly at Louis. 

"That bad, huh?" 

 


	7. Chapter Five, Talia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short, sorry. I will be posting again soon. But I just wanted this to get out to you in the meantime. As always, Comments are GREATLY appreciated (Even if they are constructive criticism) In this, I said Harry is 16,,, he is. I think I said he was 17 in a different chapter but he is 16, Louis is 17 almost 18. That's all.
> 
> XX CARRIE

“And he…sung?”

“Yes. Dr.Flynn, you gotta believe me.” 

“Well, as much as I’d love to, Louis… I need solid evidence and the fact that Harry has never spoken a single word but then suddenly started singing is a little far-fetched for the management doctors to believe.” 

Louis’ shoulders slumped, his chest felt tight as he threw his head back in defeat and groaned. The ceiling above him was white with tiny holes in it, fluorescent strip lights flickering ever-so-slightly. In the corner where the walls met the ceiling, every three doors or so-- there was a security camera.  _ Of course.  _

“Dr. Flynn! Is there a security camera in the Music Therapy room?”

“Of course. Its state law, at least one in each room.”

“Does it have audio?”   
“I believe so.”    
“There’s your proof. Look at the tape. It will show him singing.” Louis’ voice was full of hope, his eyes begging for the tape to be enough.

“Louis’... “ Dr. Flynn whispered, her voice pitying.

“What?”

“The Doctors need to see it. The tape won’t be enough. There are very strict rules.”

“But I-”

“Look, you’d be surprised the lengths people will go to just to stay here. We had an incident in 2015 where a patient forged a management doctor’s signature on paperwork to let her stay. Since then, you need a rigorous examination by the head doctors.”

“Rigorous?”

“You need three. One examination for Physical health, your body has to be in great or improving shape. One for mental— a psych eval of sorts. And then an evaluation of cause. That's the one where Harry would have to talk. The doctors need to evaluate the cause of your request to stay more than seven months. Now, if you think Harry could pass those, get him to fill out the necessary paperwork, then we’ll contact his parents and evaluate him. If not then I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do for your friend.” With that, Dr. Flynn walked away, turning out of sight down the hall. 

_ “That went well.” _

_ \-------------------------------- _

A week later, (Only three weeks left until Harry was moved)  and the proper pares had been filed and Harry’s parents had been called. The first two examinations had gone well. At least- that's what Harry thought. He was physically very healthy, he always ate vegetables and healthy things (Louis always made fun of him for it) and since that day in the music room, Harry hadn’t had a single episode. He still sat at his windowsill, looking down on the dull London streets but, overall, he was doing better than he ever had been. When it came to the examination of cause, however, things didn’t go as smoothly.

“Okay, Harry. We just need you to say your name and age, along with one fact about you and you should be good to go.” Dr, Flynn said, he legs crossed and her back straight. There were four other doctors in the room with her. All of them had clipboards and bored looks on their face. Harry nodded meekly, gripping harder onto Louis’ hand. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. His cheeks flushed, the doctors’ quizzical stares making him freeze. He had practiced talking with Louis. He had gotten good, too. He spoke slowly and said ‘Um,’ a lot, but, he had clear Ideas and he spoke very clearly and loudly. 

Standing next to him, Louis nudged his ribs. Harry nodded at him and opened his mouth again but once again nothing came out. He turned his back to the doctors, tears of frustration falling down his cheeks. He rested his head in his arms, slumping against the piano. The evaluation was set in the music therapy room, at the request of Harry. The room comforted him. 

“Hey,” Louis said, rubbing Harry’s back comfortingly. “You can do this. Just like we practiced.” Harry shook his head because-  _ no, he couldn’t do this.  _ He heard Louis huff and turn back to the doctors. 

“Just give him time-”

“Unfortunately, we don’t have time. He has three more minutes to speak or else we will be forced to move him.”

Harry didn’t move, accepting it. He heard the squeaking of a chair moving.  _ Great, I’ve just blown my chance, they’re leaving.  _ But then, the piano under him was vibrating and a familiar melody was filling the room.

“Hey, My Love, I buried you a month or two ago. I keep thinking that you’re standing on my floor. That you’re waiting there for me.” Louis sang, sliding to one end of the piano bench as Harry sat next to him. They had been working on this song since Harry had sung, Harry knew the notes better than he knew himself, countless hours of humming it to himself, his fingers moving over the keys of an invisible piano at lunch, when he woke up and any opportunity he had to sneak into the music room. Harry reached out, playing his harmonies on the upper keys. 

“Hey, My Love, you’ve walked out a hundred times, how was I supposed to know this time that you wouldn't come, that you wouldn’t come home.” Louis looked away from the keys and at Harry. 

“It’s just you and me,” He whispered. Harry closed his eyes, imagining the room empty, just Louis and him. He took a deep breath and let the music consume him. 

“I can see you dancing, I can lay down next to you, at the foot of my bed, if I drink enough. I can taste your lipstick, I can lay down next to you, but it’s all in my head, if I drink enough I swear I can wake up next to you.” There was silence then, Harry opened his eyes again and looked at the five doctors. They were all staring intensely at the two boys.

_ “My name is Harry, I am sixteen and I love to sing.” _

#    
  
  



	8. Chapter Six, Upper West Side.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I Suck!!!!!!
> 
> I AM SO SORRRRRRRRYYYYYYY  
> pls don't hate me
> 
> Ok, SOOOOO,  
> this is what happened.  
> I used to write these chapters during maths because I was bored but now schools out and It's hard to find the time between trips and summer art classes and work. And then I hauled ass to PA for Harry's Philadelphia show. IT.WAS. AMAZING. I wasn't that close (Section 103, row 16, seat 11 and 12 at Wells Fargo Center) BUT I was the 8th row back at the Boch Center in Boston in September 2017 so IDC. ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CHAPTER!!! Also, I name every Chapter after a song I feel fits the mood of the chapter. You can find the playlist here (Title song first then in order of chapters) - https://open.spotify.com/user/lilajoanwoodard/playlist/7Jg2cTCgJCusQQWyxSfPds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited. 
> 
> Comments are my fav and I reply to all of them asap!  
> Constructive criticism is accepted happily!  
> and if you'd like to be a Beta or co-writer, fill out this-- https://goo.gl/forms/HtkEgTKQfx1SPvb73 or email me @novavoce1@gmail.com! I am Looking!

"No, no- dude. There is no way you're going to convince me John Laurens wasn't at least a little gay for Alex."

"Ni, all I'm saying is that we don't know. He could be bi or pan. You should never assume."

It was free hours in the rec room in the hospital and Harry was sat between Louis' legs. Louis slowly carded his hands through Harry's ringlet curls.

"I think he was straight as a pole. Wouldn't have fucked with so many women if he wasn't." Louis spoke up, not noticing Harry's slight flinch at his language.

Harry didn't say anything, not so much as a scribbled note to insert his opinion. He just watched silently as his friend talked to the other patients. Recently Louis had seemed less worried over Harry, who assumed it was due to his newfound speech. Louis started spending less time with Harry and more time with Liam and Niall who were residing in the rooms next to Harry's.

Liam was shy and had sweet brown eyes that reflected his warm personality. Niall was loud and rowdy, always tumbling around with Louis in play fights. "So, Lou. What are you in here for?" Niall asked, quirking his eyebrow up at Louis and then loosening his muscles so it wiggled up and down as he laughed. Harry tensed in Louis' lap, ready for Louis to deflect with something or shut Niall out; But that never came. Louis just sighed and adjusted his body, tapping Harry's shoulder to move him. Once Harry removed himself from Louis' lap, Louis reached down to the hem of his shirt and lifted it up. Liam drew in a sharp breath at the sight and Niall's mouth hung open.

"What the _fuck_ ," Niall said, his eyes flickering between Louis' jutting out ribs and his face as if he was making sure what he saw was real. Liam was blinking slowly with a sad look in his eyes. Harry coughed awkwardly and Louis pulled his shirt down. 

"What are you two in here for?" Louis said, his voice considerably quieter than the last time he spoke. Nial shifted and rubbed his hand shyly. 

"Severe ADHD and lingering ODD from when I was a kid," Niall said, suddenly finding the rug below him very interesting. 

"ODD?" Louis asked, his confident demenor coming back to him. 

"Yeah, Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It's supposed to kinda only be in kids until they're like eight or summat but I have these intense compulsions to do the opposite of what authority tells me. That mixed with the ADHD basically makes schooling miserable. I was expelled six times before I got my arse landed in here."

"Shit man, sorry," Louis said, his voice genuinely sincere for once. 

"And I'm, assuming you're anorexic? Bulimic?" Niall pushed, seeing how far Louis would let him into his secrets. 

"The former. 'Bout six years running at this point. Three hospital stays and mum finally suck me here to recover. What about you, Li?" Louis asked, turning his head to face Liam who had scooted towards the pool table in hopes of avoiding that very question.

"Uhm, anger." He squeaked out. All three of the surrounding boys' jaws dropped. 

"You're joking." Niall deadpanned, looking quizzically at Liam. The latter shook his head miserably. 

"I know. It's the last thing anyone would expect from me but- I don't know. Sometimes people say things and It's like I can't control it anymore. I just go ballistic. Start throwing things and yelling. Hell, even a few times I started fights. Broke some kids' nose. After that, I begged my dad to put me in here so I could stop being a danger." Liam explained, trying his hardest to ignore the intense stares the three boys were giving him. 

"Damn that's heavy. Guess we're all fucked up, huh?" Louis said, wrapping his arm around Niall's neck and scruffing his hair with hbis free hand. A few minutes later they were in a tickle fight on the rec room floor.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

"Hey, Lou," Harry whispered, slowly opening the door to Louis' room. Louis was sitting on his bed, scribbling something down in his journal. He had requested one after Harry suggest he try songwriting. 

"What's up, Haz?" He said, looking up from his writing. It was just after dinner, around 7:30 pm and it was downpouring outside, reminding him of the day he met Louis. 

"I have a new s-so-son-"

"Song?" Louis finished, smiling at the way Harry was improving his speech. Harry had been having some trouble with 'S' and 'R' words and stuttering. 

"Yeah. For you. Like, one that made me think of you." 

"Another one? How often are you thinking of me, Hazza?" Louis joked, poking Harry's side. 

"Not- I- I don- It's not like th-"

"Chill, Haz. Only Joking. Let's hear it then?" 

"Yeah, o-okay." Harry rushed out, sitting down next to Louis and pressing Play on his phone. 

' _You're so rich, bet you bought yourself a diamond chain_  
_To look real cool while you're telling all your friends it's fake_  
_But you know it's lies_  
_Another bitch from the Upper West Side_  
_Credit cards cutting all of your lines, yeah'_

Louis raised his eyebrows at Harry when the last few lines were sung and Harry rolled his eyes and held up a finger mouthing 'Just hold on.'

_'You're so cute bet you really wanna be a star_  
_To feel like gold when you're dancing on broken hearts_  
_And you know it's true_  
_You're no good 'til they're looking at you_  
_Bad front, I can see right through, yeah'_

_'I can't stop judging every thing you do  
But I can't get enough of you'_

As the song wrapped up, Louis' smile was wide. 

"I loved it, Harry. Really. Banger." Louis said, tackling Harry so he was lying back on the bed, Louis straddling Harry's Hips. Harry laughed from under him as they roughhoused a bit. It all came to a head, however, when Harry managed to maneuver himself on top of Louis, the positions switched. Louis and Harry stared into each other's eyes for a bit, both breathless and smiling, just loving feeling normal. Like they weren't in a hospital. Then, Louis wiggled his wrist, getting it to slip free from where Harry had had it pinned to the bed, Harry lunged his arm forward in an attempt to regain his grip. Instead, he slipped forward and ended up coming nose to nose with Louis. Neither boy moved as Harry leaned down, their lips brushing each other. Louis started to slowly move up to connect them but Harry cleared his throat, sitting back up. 

"Well, I- I'm gonna. My room. Yeah." Harry spoke, not meeting Louis' eyes as he left. 

Louis didn't sleep a wink that night, thoughts of his friend rushing through his mind. Why had he instigated it then pulled away? Is he gay? Bi? Pan? Maybe straight and just confused? but most importantly, 'Would we ever work?' and 'Why do I want us to?'

 


	9. AN UPDATE

Hey

heh

so

I know I’ve been kinda MIA for like a MONTH i know. i hate me. BUT i’ve written a chapter so i’ve just gotta edit it now. should be up within the next few hours. Updating schedule will become more normal now that i’ve made it through 3 weeks of finals 


End file.
